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I am numb as the frigid winter cold
My tears drown souls and flood countries
Burn my existence with hot coal, beg me to scream
Slice the soles of my feet with lead, chain my wrists to the sky
Rip out my black heart, throw it to the buzzards, watch them feast
I walk on water
I am jesus
Leave me to rott in my ever growing iscolation
Beg me to speak
Cut out my tasteless tounge, shred it, make me bleed
Watch my bones break and crumble to nothing
I want you to hear me choking on death
Feel my presence when you sleep
Dance on top of my lifeless corpse
Laugh in my face
You are a clown
Starve me, beat me and watch me struggle
Crack my skull, grind my brains, eat my flesh
You are a canible
Hear my silent shriek for help
You cannot listen
Sew my ears shut
Pierce my skin with infected needles
I want to live
Drag me underneath to hell
Burn my soul and die with me
Blind my eyes
I cannot see
Nothing can compare to this solitude
Bruise my wrists
Twist them tighter
Darken my existing scars
I am the devil
Blacken my lips
Make them bleed
This is the taste of evil
Stain my face with black tears
Darken my eyes with hate
Cry, weep in your own sorrow
Thirst after my love
It is gone
My words cry echos for miles
The mountains ears bleed darkness
Cover the sky in red
I want to feel
Make me plead for my life
I do not want to live
Hate me forever
I am a witch
Hurt me, i cannot feel anything
Bruise my body, it is ugly
Slap my face, leave red imprinted on it
I love hands
Peel the skin from my back
Grate my spine
Make soup from the remains of my existence
Drink it like you’re starving
Crave me like love
Miss me forever
Cut open my heart
Watch my breath escape
Catch it
Save it for later
Inhale me every night
Sleep beside me
I am in your thoughts
I leave nothing beind
Destroy everything i love
All i’ve ever known
I am a monster
I am numb as the distant fog
I cannot speak no further
I hate you she screams
I hate you she says
I hate you she whispers
You cannot hear
Fearless, you walk away
Disappear
Vanish
Gone now
And
Forever.

The Writers Life

The writers life.
Wow.
What a complex, daring life to live.
One life I would like to call my own.
Writing, for me, is the ultimate escape from reality.
When I write I can express inner most thoughts and feelings and make them come alive and speak to me as soon as I touch my pencil to the paper.
My pencil is like a magic wand.
I can create and destroy words, I can will them to life and easily erase their existence.
Writing has a big impact in my life.
When I write I escape my life and enter into another, another world, another person's existence.
Writing is something I cannot live without.
When asked "Must I Write?" a question posed by Rainer Maria Rilke in 'Letters to a Young Poet' my answer is simply, I Must.
For if I did not write all chaos would break loose in my life and my very existence would crumble down to nothing.
If there is anything I have learned so far with my time spent in Mr. Carnovales third period grade 12 Writers Craft course it is that I am starting to learn and uncover more and more things about myself each time I begin to write.
I am transforming each class, each day I am present in third period, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
If you have not written your thoughts, feelings down before, you must
Writing will open up a new portal for you and your life.
It will give your life purpose, something to strive for, to life for.
Writing will help you cope with all the hard times in your life, it will allow you to be in control of your life.
It has worked for me.

Solitude

I am alone
In complete solitude
It is silent
Dead silent
My thoughts are spinning around in my head,
dancing like brightly coloured leaves in the autumn dusk
Complete isolation
Here, I am myself
Here, in this solitude,
I am truly happy.

Hello & Good-bye

HELLO
My name is Mr. Coniving, deceiving
I'm a trickster, and I play the game well
I use you, abuse you, until theres nothing left
Got you hooked on crack
Got you begging for more
Sit down bitch, get off my back
You're nothing but a whore
Now i gotta leave, gotta hustle more fools
That's what i'm about and I do it the best
So see ya later dopey,
Bye for now, don't worry I'll be back.


I am leaving forever
You will not see my face again
This face that has betrayed you,
stranded you,
left you crying,
alone
tears streaming down your face every night cause i'm no longer there
but I cannot hear you
for I will never return
but please believe me when I say I love you,
you are my daughter,
my baby girl,
I love you so dearly
I am so sorry but,
GOODBYE

Illusions

Magic is all illusions
Smoke and mirrors
A twisting of the senses
Make believe, fantasy
Magic tricks you
urging you to believe in something that is not possible
Magic deceives you
Magic turns your simple reality into something incredible
Painted faces, imagination
Magic hides its truth behind a convincing mask
Tricks played on the mind
Deception
Fake
Magic fools you, leaves you stranded begging for more
Magic comes in beautiful forms
not one of them true
Magic is something I miss in my life, for I have never known true magic...
Until I met you

Dedicated to: Debbie & Larissa

Larissa Patricia

This girl right here is my life. I love her so much, I am willing to give anything for her happiness. When she smiles, I smile, for I know she is truly happy to see me. I can see her for herself though. And while I experience the good times with her, I can also see the pain she suffers because of her appearance. Stereotypical right? Yes, she is over-weight, so what? Yes, she does need glasses to be able to see the same beautiful world we don't have to give any effort to take a glimpse at, so what? I can see her. And i love her so very much for all of her imperfections. For all of her flaws, she is truly human. She is my four year old, soon to be five in June, sister. She has become a part of my everyday existence. And if she ever leaves my side, I will crumble down like a weathering building that has just been bombed. I love you so very dearly Larissa. You will always mean the world to me, and together we will experience this corrupted, beautiful world that we inhabit. As you grow, I will grow along side you, guiding you every step of the way. "Sisters for life"

Escape

Escape from the loudness
Escape from the yelling
Escape from the doors slamming, glasses breaking
There is no way out of this madness
Silently I flee to my room
It is my safe haven
The only place I can be alone, in peace, tranquility, solidarity
Smothered under the covers of my cold blanket, I begin to read in my head
I begin to get transported to another world, similar to mine
I am Her
I am Him
I am Them
My ultimate escape from this haunting reality is my book
There I feel the losses, the hurt, the pain, and the love they feel
My mind takes a sober trip away from this horror, if only for a little while
Brings me to never ending bliss
Screaming, crying, yelling
Immediately torn from my fantasy life back into reality
I close my eyes and lay still in the drowning darkness
It overcomes me until I can no longer fight the sleep that pricks my eyes, as hard as cactus spines
Sleeping at last, it is only mere hours until I wake up to this hell I call home.

MaryJane

She consumes me
Brings me higher, higher, until my head screams for mercy
The slow inhale of intoxicating smoke caresses my lungs
Makes me want more, beg for more
Hold it in, hold it in, just a little longer, just to climb a bit higher
Can't stop now
Can't turn back
She burns my throat, I'm coughing now
Buzzing now like a thousand wasps trapped in my head, wanting to escape
There's no escape
"You did this to yourself, don't blame me" she spits
Falling now, falling fast, falling hard
Crashing
Burning out
MaryJane, MaryJane come back to me!
Lift me above the clouds, the greatest heights imaginable
For now, I'm drowning in the darkest depths possible
Save me, save me
I drift into a dreary sleep
Until she graces me with her presence
Once more